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Program Error is a Verb?

Well, after my last newsletter went out, I received an email from a customer, who happens to be a professional. It was quite obvious that he is a well educated individual, and he stated that he is a computer novice.

He wrote me, advising me that I had used verbs as nouns and nouns as verbs, he pointed out that Error is a Noun. And that my choice of words caused the subject to be difficult to follow. He happens to be right, but I learned years ago that if I used the word "Directory", no one knew what I was saying. So I had to learn to call a Directory a Folder so that everyone understood what I was saying.

Well I took this opportunity to show him how smart I really am. I pointed out that Bill Gates invented Windows to make computing very simple to learn, so that anyone could use a computer.

I pointed out to him that "Error" is really a verb, at least in Windows. "To Error" is to cause an unrecoverable fault in memory. A program does not have an Error, it has a bug, if it has a bug it can error. I spray my computers with bug repellent daily, so far it seems to be working.

Bill Gates says Error is a verb, and Fault is a noun as in "General Page Fault", and "to cause a fault in memory", I do not see how fault could be a verb, can you?

"In Memory" means the file or files that are loaded. In order for Notepad.exe to run, the Kernel32 reads byte by byte the file Notepad.exe and writes each byte into memory. It runs from there. Loaded does not mean loaded, it really mean written, files are written to memory. Yet there is no writing that takes place.

In programming, you load a DLL (Dynamic Link Library) with the Call "LoadLibrary" and you unload the DLL with "FreeLibrary", there is nothing to load and nothing to free. A Library is a place where books are kept and a DLL has no books. How do you free a library anyway? Open the doors and let the books out? Maybe Bill Gates should have used "PlaceFileInMemory" and "RemoveFileFromMemory", at least it would be easier to follow.

"Run" a program, now here is a word I have no idea where it came from. Programs don't run, there is no Track Meet in Windows! Bill Gates says "execute Notepad.exe", does this mean he wants me to shoot the file?

How about the word "Crash". In Windows it does not mean to wreck. It means the Operating System has become unstable to the point that it can no longer function. So why didn't Bill Gates just say it is in a coma or it died. People are always telling me their computer died. I'll bet if I started a computer cemetery, no one would bring me their dead computer.

I am not the person who thought of shutting down your computer by clicking on the Start button. nor did I suggest using the word "Save". Yes, Save, did you ever open a log file and say to yourself, oh, this is the information I've been looking for. I'll click on Save so that Windows knows not to change the file,and then I'll go back to the file a day or two later to get my "saved" information, but guess what, it's either been deleted or changed. What good was Save? Gates should have changed the Save option to "Leave at your own risk"!

"Windows", I have windows in my house, I can see right through them. Bill Gates' Windows, you can't see past the white screen. "Screens"would have been the name I would've used.

When Bill Gates named "My Computer" he wasn't talking about your computer. He's telling you, that what you just bought is really his computer and he is in control.

I'm not a real overly religious guy, but my Desktop has all these Icons that I need, and without these Icons I ain't got an operating system. So now I never miss church on Sundays so the Icons won't leave.

And where did the term Desktop come from? I have a monitor that I keep on my Desktop. "Right click on your desktop"? I still cannot see what is so confusing for everyone. I mean what else could you name it?

So anyway, I sent my customer the program Depend.exe, I told him to take a look at it. I figured it might help "un-teach" all his years of education, and I ended my response to him with "and you can tell me what a "Hint" is in a DLL.

You know something, ten years ago I would have believed this customer was right; but after Bill Gates showed the world Windows, the world learned all new meanings to everyday words. I now find it perfectly normal for my computer to stop running in the middle of building a spread sheet. I just reboot the computer and start all over, it is just like driving a car. Maybe Gates should have said Restart instead of Reboot, at least it would be more descriptive.

I am not the one who changed the meaning of these words, Bill Gates did, I just got stuck using his terminology. I hear Microsoft wants to buy out Webster's Dictionary.

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